diary of a 20something

bisous tout partout

2006-09-20T22:14:00.000Z

i think i've forgotten how to kiss

ok, that's not entirely true, i'm getting along just fine, but i'm definitely not up to my usual standard.

now i'm not one to toot my own trumpet, but i'm a good kisser, both toxic ex and the stupid boy both at some point said something to the tune of my being the best kisser they'd ever known. of course this may or may not be true, but i must be at least half way decent to prompt such a comment.

however, the other day i made the fatal mistake of thinking about kissing. have you ever thought of something so much that it becomes weird? if not try it now, think about something simple, talking or walking. think hard about every detail of it, and then think of the details of the details. keep thinking about it until your ears bleed. then try walking or talking. it'll be weird.

so i thought about kissing and really, isn't it a bizarre concept? 2 people smooch there lips together and wiggle about a bit. sometimes mouth open, sometimes mouth closed. tongue action optional.

the consequence of this is it now feels weird kissing mr eligible. i'm sure i'm doing fine and it's all very nice, but as i said, this is supposed to be my forte and i feel i am failing! and that leads me to wonder whether we're kissing compatible. maybe some people just aren't and that would be disastrous, we're so compatible in all other areas.

it has occurred to me before that thinking is a dangerous occupation and should be avoided at all costs.

sorry einstein

2006-09-14T20:07:00.000Z

light travels at 299792458 m / s

Einstein stated that nothing can travel faster than this. Well i'm sorry Mr E but i think i'm about to prove you wrong.

mr eligible and i have been together for exactly a month (and remember 2 weeks of this he spent in another country) and i was just beginning to relax when he dropped a bomb. in between discussing dinner options and movie choices he casually mentioned the fact that his parents are going to be in town this weekend and they've offered to take us out for lunch.

WHAT?? hang on there just a minute, it's meet the parents time already?

it was all so casual...
"i'm not really in the mood for pizza tonight, my parents are coming to town and i'd love you to meet them, odeon or vue?"

i've never done the meet-the-parents-thing before. i don't think the stupid boy had parents, he was spawned by a monster from the pit of evil, and on one memorable occasion toxic ex hid me in his garage to avoid my meeting his parental units.

what do i wear? what do i say? what if they don't like me? And most importantly, what does it mean that we're at this stage in the relationship already?

i said yes though. i'm still not exactly sure how i feel about him, but he's so wonderful and thinks so much of me, i can't help but like the reflection of myself in him.

if nothing else, it's a free lunch...

good on paper

2006-09-12T21:37:00.000Z

"a 'good on paper guy' is a guy with great credentials, who you always end up leaving for some hot guy who rides a motorcycle and doesn't have a checking account."
Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City, Series 2, episode 17: twenty something girls vs thirty something women.

mr eligible is good on paper. he undoubtedly has the best credentials of any guy i've ever been involved with. he's kind, thoughtful, generous, funny, honest, he listens to everything i say, and i honestly believe there isn't a mean thought in his pretty little head.

yesterday a stunningly gorgeous man came and stood by me on the tube. he was like the sun in that i couldn't look directly at him for fear of being blinded by his beauty. he positively reeked of testosterone and was painfully aware of his own sexual magnetism. he kept reaching up to grab the hand rail above his head and this stretch caused his t-shirt to rise up and expose his perfectly defined, tanned stomach.

i tried very hard to concentrate on my metro, but i couldn't help but wonder: if this modern day Adonis suddenly declared his undying love for me, would i tell him to take a running jump, i already have a wonderful man, or would i fall for it even though i know the pleasure would only be fleeting?

the answer is probably the latter. this drives me crackers. why must my instincts take over when it comes to men? why do i always go for instant physical attraction, rather than those attributes that my head tells me are infinitely more important?

fortunately (?) the chances of this temptation coming my way are slim, so i shan't spend too much time stressing over it.

dirty girl

2006-09-09T09:40:00.000Z

i had a bit too much to drink last night. i was out with work peeps and wine kept materialising miraculously out of thin air, and no matter how much i drank i never made it to the bottom of my glass.

this morning i woke up to discover dirt under my fingernails and my feet are black with stark white flip flop lines. this always happens and i've no idea why. so far as i'm aware i don't engage in drunken nocturnal gardening when i get home. does the aroma of alcohol attract all the dirt in london to my hands and feet? it's so very random.

stupidity and seating arrangements

2006-09-06T09:01:00.000Z

i thought i saw the stupid boy yesterday. it wasn't him, but that moment of uncertainty left me feeling sick for the rest of the afternoon.

i don't think about him much, and talk about him even less. at the time i just saw him as another in a depressingly long line of boy disasters, if only...

he was good looking in a natural i-just-roll-out-of-bed-looking-this-bloody-fantastic kind of way (for the record he couldn't just roll out of bed and i think the only reason he got involved with me in the first place was for my GHDs but i digress). he had some kind of raw, animalistic, sexual magnetism that turned me to putty in his hands. i was a different person when i was with him, i did things i would never have dreamed of doing before, and will never do again.

he had this power over me which meant that he could say things, and i would listen, but not hear what he was telling me. he managed to persuade me that it was no big deal that he kept getting back together with his girlfriend
whilst we were seeing each other. he made me feel guilty that he was cheating on her, and my life was barely worth living the day i left an earring in his bedroom.

i have no idea how much of what he told me was true, but apparently prior to yours truely he only dated stick insects with no souls (more commonly known as models). i am quite clearly not a model. as a result he regularly told me that i was fatter and uglier than girls he normally got involved with. i have always had very low self esteem when it comes to my appearance, and flirted dangerously with an eating disorder as a teenager, so this wasn't exactly the loving, nurturing relationship i needed. and the weirdest thing was i never realised, it never once occurred to me how bad he was for me, but when i think back now, the thought of it makes me feel physically sick.

so on the whole i think it was a good thing it wasn't him i saw yesterday. i wonder what i would say to him. being British i would probably be terribly polite, talk about the weather, his job, the girlfriend he went back to. say "we must catch up properly sometime" and then run home and cry.

on a lighter note...

something happened the other day that i forgot to report. a man sat on me on the tube. i don't mean he stumbled into me in the overcrowded commuter crush, he walked down the carriage, turned and sat down squarely on my knee. i guess he just misjudged the distance or something because he immediately jumped up, apologising profusely and sat down in the empty seat next to me. made me giggle all the way home though.

what constitutes cheating?

2006-09-04T14:29:00.000Z

last night i spent the night with toxic ex.

he's up north and i'm in the big smoke and it was all via msn/text but i still feel bad. nothing remotely untoward happened, but the fact remains that i was up until the small hours talking to someone i'm not talking to.

i have a very overactive conscience as i don't think i should be feeling bad: i don't know whether me and mr eligible are officially an item yet*, and the only potentially flirty messages came entirely from toxic ex.

i didn't really know what to do, as mentioned before toxic ex rarely talks to me so i was caught all unawares. it began completely innocently, all about work, holiday's, houses etc etc ad naseum. as the night drew on and (i think) he got a little drunk he started referring more and more to our past (which if we are to be friends i need to pretend never happened) and dropping in the odd "a guy can reminisce/dream can't he" type comment. i couldn't work out how to respond, i didn't want to tell him to stop it for fear he'd see me a prude and go to bed, but at the same time i didn't want to encourage him as i think i am with someone. in the end i fell back on the time-honoured technique of 'sticking my head in the sand'. i ignored all such insinuations and carried on as if he were talking about the weather.

eventually i said i was tired and was turning my computer off. that should have been the end of it, but 20 minutes later i got a text saying "don't go to sleep, i'm bored, entertain me". this is the point i should have stopped, i should have switched my phone off and gone to sleep. and i don't really know why i didn't.

like i said, nothing happened at all, it was all just chat. but i know what was behind the chat. i think it all comes down to treating others as you would like to them to treat you. i didn't do anything that would constitute cheating, but i also wouldn't be happy if mr eligible behaved as i have so i think i need to watch myself.

* he has however sent me a bunch of flowers the size of a small car, i was so surprised i nearly fell over. sad as i may be i have never been sent flowers before. toxic ex bought me one, once, and that was only because i told him to.

a jolly holiday

2006-09-04T09:37:00.001Z

apologies for the long absence, i've been swanning about the country for the past week visiting friends and family and generally enjoying not being at work.

i spent 2 days in Scotland with my mum which was lovely (although 2 days is just about enough quality mum time for one year...) and at the risk of turning into a boring old fart who talks incessantly of the weather, i have to mention the fact that unlike the rest of the uk where it was raining cats and dogs (where does that phrase come from?) we were basking in glorious sunshine the entire time!

one thing that living in london constantly erases from my memory, is that people in other parts of the country talk to each other. in london it is considered rude to catch someone's eye even when you are standing mere millimetres away from them on an overpacked smelly train. in the wonderful land of kilts and haggis though people started up conversations everywhere, in cafes, in pubs, in fields!

the highlight of the whole trip however, happened on the way up. we had stopped at a tourist information centre to pick up leaflets and drinks, and my mum was stood patiently at the till waiting for someone to come and take money off her for 2 bottles of juice. a woman was sat behind drinking a cup of tea. seeing my mum queuing she said "if you ring that bell someone will come and serve you". So my mum rang the bell. At which point the woman drained her brew, stood up, walked behind the counter and said "that'll be £1.60 please". Classic.

you can't make this stuff up!

boys can be such girls

2006-08-25T14:32:00.000Z

S is having girlfriend troubles. he's been with his mrs for 3 relatively trouble-free years but apparently things are a little rocky at the mo.

S and i have been friends about the same length of time and despite the fact that (last time i checked) he's a boy and i'm a girl we work really well together: i prefer beer to bitching and he isn't averse to being dragged around the shops once in a while.

however, recent issues with the mrs have brought out a side of him i never knew existed. he has started analysing the tone of her voice for every word she says. he's texting me in the small hours coz he can't sleep for worrying. he's panicking when she emails him from work and signs off without putting any kisses. these are the kind of neurotic things that are constantly going around my head, but:
a) i'm a girl
b) i never actually tell anyone about them. i know they're nuts.

this has got me thinking, has the rise of the 21st century metrosexual male done away with traditional masculinity? and if so is this necessarily a bad thing? i just don't know. i want a guy that will listen and actually care if i have something to say, but i don't want him to be all mushy and want to talk about his feelings every 2 minutes. i don't want a chest-beating, hairy neanderthal, but i also don't want a girl. and occasionally there are times when i just want a man to be a man, to take control, and to be able to protect me. i'm sorry, but it's true.

is there a perfect balance? or is the quest for the perfect man like the quest for the holy grail?

nobody expects the spanish inquisition

2006-08-21T14:53:00.000Z

so mr eligible met the friends on saturday. seeing as we had only been on one was-it-or-was-it-not-a date, and one official date, this was a rather speedy progression. however, i had already made plans to go out with friends on sat, and mr eligible was going on holiday and wanted to see me again before he went so that was his only choice!

it started of rather civilised, everyone chatting politely about their weeks, summer holidays, lack of sun in gloomy english weather etc etc, but as the beer began to flow everyone loosened up.

then there was the interrogation.

when you first meet them L and Y seem like the good-as-gold-butter-wouldn't-melt-in-their-mouth types. But put them together and add liberal quantities of alcohol and they turn into a pair of minxs with a hint of naughty school girl.

they decided that everyone had to ask mr eligible 10 questions. i managed to ward of anything too terrible by saying that they couldn't ask anything they weren't prepared to answer themselves, but that was the best i could do. questions ranged from "boxers or Y fronts?" to "how many kids do you want and what will their names be?" (i conveniently went to the bar at this point as i felt discussing our future family would have been more than a little weird).

i think he did really well. he answered everything with good grace and some of the answers were quite illuminating...

most importantly, i caught up with my friends the next day and they all gave him rave reviews. i found that friends are incredibly talented at sniffing out good and bad guys, so i'm now feeling a little smug at having bagged such a catch

mr eligible has gone on holiday for 2 weeks now though, and toxic ex wants to see me. i can see this being a fun fortnight...

i really like you...

2006-08-17T21:48:00.000Z

i've just had a revelation. if you like someone, you can tell them, and they might like you too in which case they'll say they like you too.

this might sound like the most obvious thing in the world, but i have to admit that i have reached the ripe old age of 20something and it's never happened to me.

i have a fatal weakness for boys that are bad for me, and these bad boys are the type that are likely to play games/refuse to commit/be cheating on their girlfriend (i have extensive experience of all 3). this has involved weeks and months and even years of not knowing where i stand with a guy, hoping it's one thing and usually finding it's something else. today therefore, was an epiphany!

i went for coffee with mr eligible, and halfway through his grande mocha-cappa-frappacino he came straight out and said, "i think my behaviour recently may have been a bit confusing, but i just want to say that i think you are beautiful, and i would really like it if we were more than friends"

well! i didin't know what to say. i turned and attractive shade of scarlet and fought the urge to go "me?? beautuful?? do you need glasses??" but instead i composed myself and said something along the lines of "thanks, i really like you too"

it was so bizarre, to have a guy say exactly what he was thinking without trying to triple guess what he might be pretending to feel. it seemed perfect.

but,(there's always a but) much as i hate to admit it, i did feel like some of the excitement had gone, and that got me thinking:

do we need games? is the chase half the fun? the butterflys in your stomach when a guy you think might like you calls, the turmoil "will he kiss me? won't he kiss me", the uncertainty of playing a game when you're not quite sure of the rules.

i think i'm just a contrary person. when a guy keeps things locked up i wish he'd talk to me, when a guy tells me how he feels i wish he'd let me play chase a bit longer.

however, i shall stop whinging and just enjoy it. he really is lovely, and at the very least i can learn the differences between nice guys and bad boys. more to follow...

Toxicity

2006-08-15T13:28:00.000Z

toxic ex just msn-ed me. i think he still sees us as friends, but not good enough friends to call up for a chat or go out for a pint, just good enough to pester when you need something. he treats me like his personal yellow pages/encyclopedia/fountain of all knowledge. today he wanted a ten second review of some obscure band he's going to see. other recent requests have included the following:

where in NW london is there a 24 hour internet cafe?

what's the song at the end of episode 3 of Lost?

who sang the theme tune to Peep Show?

when we were an item, i didn't mind this. in fact i quite liked it, as knowing the answer to most questions he made me feel quite brainy. however, as we haven't seen each other in nearly a year, i feel he is being a little cheeky.

the obvious solution would be to stop answering. if i just ignored his questions i'm sure he'd soon get bored and find someone else to pester. but i'm a girl, and that little part of me that doesn't want to quite let go compels me to reply.

(i answered his question. he has been silent ever since)

travelling in style

2006-08-14T22:46:00.000Z

i bought a bike a couple of weeks ago. bored with buses in the heatwave i decided bikes were the future. and it's not just any bike, it's a beautiful, old fashioned town bike with curved handlebars, a wicker basket and a bell. i love it.

it's not a bike for donning a lycra catsuit and zooming along at the speed of light to get in your cardio for the week. this is a bike for gracefully meandering down winding lanes with the breeze blowing in your hair. i felt that i could not help but look graceful and elegant on this bike. i failed to take a couple of things into account...

the first is that i'm chronically unfit, that even a five minute ride to the supermarket leaves me the colour of a beetroot and sweating in places that i wasn't even aware i had (i know that girls are not supposed to sweat, we 'glow', but after pedalling ferociously for more than 60 seconds, there's no way you could say i 'glow').

the second thing is 'helmet hair'. normally i have fab hair. i looked like a experiment in blindfold hairdressing for about 20 years until i discovered my gorgeous hairdresser and now my hair is ace. people are always commenting on it. it's my thing. it is however, not the kind of hair that fairs well under a helmet and i do tend to end up looking like the wicked witch of the west.

however, my piece de résistance came the other day when cycling to a friend's house. in an attempt to distract people from my red shiny face and eccentric hair i was wearing a gorgeous floaty dress that i felt complimented the old school style of the bike. having not yet mastered the art of cycling in heals however, i was still wearing my all stars. i can now say with some authority that a loose, floaty skirt and long trainer laces are perhaps the worst possible things to place near a bike. as i was cycling up a particularly busy road near ealing, my trainer started to feel a little strange. i looked down and saw that with each push the lace was becoming more and more tightly wrapped around the pedal. being on a busy junction i couldn't stop and have the crisis i felt necessary so i tried backpedalling in an attempt to detangle. this would have been great had not the change in motion forced my skirt towards the spokes.

to cut a long story short i wiped out in spectacular style in front of a bus and it's a miracle that i didn't get squished to a pulp

the bike is now sulking as it hasn't been taken out in a week

(i think i may like mr eligible)

blast from the past

2006-08-11T12:30:00.000Z

well, a day and a half and no word from mr eligible, but i have to say, i'm not sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring which i feel is telling.

last night however, i revisited a very old crush which was rather fun if a little surprising. i called in to see surferchick on my way home from work last night. i was looking an absolute state (hair scraped back, no make-up, fat pants etc) but she's a honey, and has seen me at my best and worst and everything in between so i decided against faffing about trying to tart myself up.

**NB this is a guaranteed way to meet one, if not many beautiful boys. they only come out of the woodwork when you look as rough as a bear's backside. fact.**

so i arrive at surferchick's house ready for a cuppa and a gossip, only to find it bursting at the seams with her extended family, all visiting for the week. i see surferchick all the time, and various members of her family every now and then, but realised as i stepped into the living room that i hadn't seen her eldest brother for about 18 months. i had totally forgotten that once upon a time i was totally besotted with him, but it soon came flooding back. however, i'm usually good at coping in these situations (ie ignoring them and hoping they'll go away) and would have been fine were it not for...

the lovely girlfriend. she was a nightmare. pretty, but not so much you feel jealous. incredibly friendly. funny without being over the top. how can you hate someone like that?

being my friend's little brother he's always been out of bounds (although surferchick is a total romantic and i actually think she's love the two of us together if she thought about it), but being now completely unattainable, he instantly become infinitely more desirable.

why is this??

however, i shall not let it ruin my friday and have in fact spent most of the day indulging in a fab day dream where he leaves her, admits his undying love for me and sweeps me off to a desert island a million miles away from lovely (ex)girlfriend and toxic ex. yum

in the news today

2006-08-10T15:44:00.000Z

http://www.itv.com/news/britain_bf362c35ba825a2808b73fcfa2cdaf05.html

shlaine and caine haine? are they serious?

introductions and mr eligible

2006-08-10T15:03:00.000Z

well, for my first entry i am going to steal shamelessly from bridget...

(rewind to new year 2006)

Resolution number one: obviously wiIl lose twenty pounds.
Number two: always put last night's panties in the laundry basket.
Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following...
alcoholics, workaholics, commitment-phobic, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts.

so, i can tell you that i have (almost) always managed to put said undergarments in the laundry basket which i feel is quite an achievement.

Boy-wise i then went on strike. i call it a strike rather than drought as it implies that i am choosing to abstain from the male species, rather than having it enforced...

I feel i should briefly introduce you to the main male characters that shall be featuring in the coming attraction:

headlining the show is S, best mate (yes we're just friends, it is possible to you with the raised eyebrows). musician, self-confessed computer geek, beer monster and all-round good guy

in a supporting role is toxic ex, once considered to be the love of my life, we went out on and off (more off than on) for about 6 years. we've been dead a buried as a couple for over a year now but annoyingly he won't quite disappear. he keeps threatening to emigrate to somewhere warmer and with better beaches, but hasn't made it yet...

in a minor bit part the stupid boy, never went out with him at his insistence. in fact, we 'didn't go out' for nearly a year. he was once beautiful but last time i saw him he looked like bob geldof with a hangover. he encapsulates all those qualities mentioned in resolution 3

so now you're all acquainted i'll carry on.

as i said, it's been slim pickings for a while, but i might have had a date last night. i say might because i'm not entirely sure. mr eligible batchelor is a friend i've known for a while, but more sort of 'friend of a friend'. he rang me up on monday and asked if i wanted to go for coffee. my strike was starting to become a little tedious (there's only so many times you can buy yourself flowers and meals for one before you start to feel a quite sad) and i said yes. so yesterday i found myself wandering down by the river chatting about work, holidays and cake(?) with mr eligible. coffee turned into a drink and drink turned into dinner. now, being the dipstick i am i managed to leave my visa card at home yesterday, meaning mr eligible had to pay for everything therefore taking away one of the prime indicators of date-dinner as oppose to friend-dinner. with mr eligible 'our thing' is normally that we do nothing but take the piss out of each other, however yesterday was all sensible and civilised and grown up which would suggest that either it was a date, or he's dying and needed to tell me. since no death sentences were passed i assume it was the former. but, no goodnight kiss and no firm future plans followed ("see you again soon") which leaves me all confused. maybe sometimes dinner is just dinner. i'm not even sure that i wanted it be a date as he's not really my type, and i know that one of my best mates used to have a thing for him which is always messy, but i'd like to at least know one way or another, and being a girl i'm now worrying that maybe it was a date but he decided he didn't like me, if so what did i do wrong?? Men really should come with clearer instructions.

S told me to chill out, guys don't think that hard. I feel he may be wise.

random fun stuff

right, as a reward for sitting through all of that, check these out, they're kinda cool

human space invaders
what to do with 8 treadmills